Pre PS- This was written last week and am just getting back to hitting send. xo
When I walked into the house I noticed the light had changed. The late afternoon, lower, fall sun was streaming in the windows. Nostalgia hit hard but I wasn’t sure for why or about what. I had missed 9 days of the slow change and it was quite noticeable. It was cooler, breezier and my fall crocus were in full bloom. Also a reminder of that ever turning cycle of life, as my recently passed grandmother had given them to me. Dug straight out of her garden when she could no longer keep up with it. Maybe that was part of the nostalgia. My yard is a constant reminder of her. I had, just days before, written to her and placed the letter along with photos of her and her kitty, Ms. Lynette Fickle (named after me, although I never asked if it was just my middle name or the fickle part as well) in the temple at Burning Man. I had said my goodbyes in other ways when she left, and had also spread part of her ashes in a location I knew to be one of her favorites, so this time it was more of an ‘in honor of’ and a ‘just in case’ any part of her spirt was left behind. I wanted to make sure I did all I could not to hold her back from freedom and peace, no matter how much I miss her.
I did the same for my father. I had recently cleared out the last of my things I had been storing at my moms. I had photos, cards and letters to him from me that I received back when he died. Along with a few other of his paper possessions. I placed them, a new letter to him and some photos of him in the temple. The smell of mildew stopped me from keeping them but I have digital records of everything I left to burn.
Turning on to “Gate Road” from Gerlach is where the real coming home feeling truly happened, not when I arrived back to Portland Monday afternoon. Approaching gate road one can see the lights of the city in the distance and wonder how long it will take you to get to the gate where the first stranger will welcome you home. Five years ago, the first time a stranger said “welcome home” to me, in the most sincere way imaginable, I almost burst into tears. I had heard and read many things about Burning Man but never did I think I’d feel so free, welcomed, and really at home. It’s not perfect of course but I wouldn’t think twice about asking for help or helping a stranger, as I may here in my own neighborhood or city, where often I am not sure of a persons true intention. Each year I hope to practice more of the Burning Man principles in my every day life.
This year was my first time on playa while having a romantic partner attending as well. We didn’t camp together as we were both committed to other friends prior to meeting. I think this worked well in our favor as Burning Man, as magical as it is, can also strain even the strongest of relationships, friendships and romantic alike. As ours is still being defined, it was good for me to have a place of refuge away from any other pressures of interaction. As much as I love Burning Man, I am, for kitties sake, still an introvert and am often quite taxed by the constant noise and exchange of energy experienced during this week. I had to take an evening and part of the next morning off from campmates and man-friend alike to just be silent and alone in camp and get some extra sleep. I was pleasantly surprised at how smoothly things went and how happy I was each time to see said man-friend. It was the most time we have spent together since we met mid June. He and my Burning Man husband (ask if you don’t know) also hit it off, which is a plus. I am hoping they don’t run away together without me. Hahaha
I’m taking a break from scrubbing, spraying with vinegar, laundry and hosing off all of my items that went with me this trip. Constantly adding to the list of things to do that will make the week at home go more smoothly and give back to others around me as best as I can.
PS. Two days later than the above... It’s been an emotionally and physically challenging re-entry week. My sinuses are expelling or in withdrawal from the dust, my lungs will be next if it’s like the last three years. I’ve even eaten about 4 pints of coconut bliss, which is almost unheard of for me, slept and stayed in bed for record hours. But it’s worth every ounce of time, pre-burn excitement, post-burn depression, physical stress, ailments and financial burdens. I am already counting down the days until next year. The Man burns in 358 days!
Serena
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